A word edgewise as to what ails me…
A word edgewise as to what ails me…
Used to earn my life as a comic contortionist in a circus. I was great even if I say so myself. Impossible to be toppled even by the bigger acts — elephants and lions and such vermin.
“Twig Withy — the sallow narrow contortionist…”, the chief voice would present, and the big tent would tremble with anticipation. The giants and the clowns were all mighty envious of me — also jealous for I took to (sexually) sample any new chorister that came into the fold — even when everyone knew that (for reasons of better pliability) I was a eunuch…
Once, fatal day, when somebody had (intentionally?) not been careful enough with the cage door of a certain enormously stupid animal, I was in the rear yard training… I had myself made into a ball, I was rolling around when, as I say, one of the elephants, instead of going his accustomed way down the hallway toward the circus platform, came to the rear, saw me, took me for a soccer ball, thank goodness he didn’t take me a for a bug and stepped on me, crushing me to irretrievability, but…, anyway he shot away and, of course, he broke all and each of my bones. The ham-fisted doctors couldn’t put me together for the love of mike. Now I’ll be bed-ridden for the rest of my natural life… Here, in bed, and a eunuch to boot, is where I’ve come back to my Chinese roots... My mother, a Chinese through and through, going back millennia and millennia… (My dad just a Catalonian, a Despuigian Catalonian.) In a word, anyhow, this is how I realized that being a Despuigian and being a Buddhist wasn’t so far apart.
This is now my holy intention, a rapprochement of cultures. The superior one, the Chinese, mother to all the sciences, mathematics, inventions, maturations and arts…, and then the others, the subservient little non Chinese cultures, mastering but war and crime and horror and organized religion, all this repression of a previously extant god, this bane that destroys humans and makes of them nothing better than dogs or bugs, damned christians, mohammedans and jews, all those freaking fools who (accordingly to the word of one of them, Jesus, who often sounds Despuigian or Buddhist enough, but of course he sounds as the mood of the writer who wrote of him at the moment made him feel, so that it sounds as if he were a strangulating fascist now and next moment a freedom-loving anarchist, etc.), Jesus himself is supposed to have said this inalterable truth: “All those freaking idiots so sure that because they blindly follow their stupid religion of buggery and doggery [actually they follow just some criminal interpretation of the religion, fostered by warped minds of very malicious, revengeful and failed humans called priests or whatever] are going straight to heaven, for sure they are going right to hell — just for being such overweening arrogant turds.” That’s the parabola of the two praying creeps, the one that most protests his rightfulness — as are doing now those idolaters mohammedan with their silly idol Mohammed, or those sinful stinking evangelicals with their retarded idea of a sudden rapture to the freaking clouds — those are bound directly to hell, while the meek nobody, nice fellow behind a column, thinking he has no right to peep, this one is the blessed one, for a religion who needs any kind of fascist propaganda has to be a wrong viral illness of the spirit perforce.
Anyway, god’s yet to be invented, always to be realized, as a project of a united universe.
